I wish I was, like Zoe is. She hasn't a clue what is about to happen tomorrow, and I am glad.

Tomorrow afternoon, the four of us will be making the long-awaited drive back to Sick Kids Hospital in Toronto, Ontario to hear the results of Zoe microarray testing. To say I'm anxious is to say the least. I'm anxious, I'm excited, I'm scare, I'm happy, I'm a whole range of emotions that I don't know what I am. I do know that I probably won't sleep tonight.

I'm anxious, happy and excited that we may finally get some answers to Zoe's condition tomorrow, but I'm scared of two things:

1. We will not find out Zoe's genetic condition that is causing her microcephaly
2. We will find out that whatever Zoe has is life-threatening, and we won't have her around for much longer.

Ridiculous? Overreacting? Phobic, perhaps? Maybe...but valid at the same time. We have lost too many angels in our groups and I fear every day that my Zoe might be one of those angels who, one day, earns her wings too soon.

So to recap, this is what we know:

1. Zoe has microcephaly
2. Her brain MRI confirms a genetic condition, currently unknown, that is either eating away at or preventing a signal from connecting the gray and white matter in her brain
3. She has saccadic eye movements and clonix reflex in her left leg. This suggests that both cerebral hemispheres are affected, (eye) the right side affected moreso than the left (clonis reflex), and the cortex worse than anything
4. She has seizures, kind, severity and where they are coming from currently unknown.

Will update with what we learn tomorrow night.

Pray for us.